Goodbye

This is my last post.

Don't worry. Nothing bad happened. I'm fine.  I simply don't have the drive to continue posting.  I don't really have a reason to do so anymore.  I was actually about to quit way back last spring, when I had only made a few posts.  The way I got into this blogging community was by discovering Mikey's blog.  When I was coming out, I found my strength to do so by reading stories by men who had done the same.  I looked up to them and wanted to be like them.  I believed Mikey was doing the same thing for a new generation of gay teens out there.  I continued to follow him and began interacting with the forum's community.  I decided to give blogging a try myself; partially to experiment with it, and also because I was going through some issues that I wasn't comfortable talking to my family and friends about back then and wanted to vent.  I was losing interest in it pretty quickly.

Then the scandal happened.  Those of you who where there remember how heartbroken a lot of people were.  I realized how devastating this was going to be to all of the closeted gay people out there who he inspired.  I was worried that they might lose hope.  I decided I'd tell my own coming out story in hopes that it would help everyone understand that even though Mikey wasn't real, there are lots of gltb people out there who are.  I realize writing with a pseudonym defeats the purpose a little, but I figured if I was at least honest about that fact might make up for it.  I also encouraged everyone else to write their own coming out stories if they had one because a) I'm not the only one with a story, and not everyone grew up with the same circumstances I did.  People might find other stories more relatable, and b) I suck at writing.  I really do.  I might not have done a great job at writing my own story (I'll leave that for you all to decide). If better writers told their stories too, they would probably do a better job connecting to people than I could.

I got a lot of positive response from my "Coming Out:" posts.  To everyone who emailed me/left comments, thank you, I really mean it.  I'm glad that my story connected with you all.

I was planning to stop blogging after I finished my story.  However, a few people were really curious about my life after I came out; what was my first boyfriend like, etc, so I kept posting.  After that, blogging was simply my way of keeping in touch with the friends I've made.  However, like I said at the beginning of this post, I've lost my drive to continue posting.  Not that I've lost interest in keeping in touch with everyone.  I will still comment on others blogs, and you are all still free to email or formspring me if you'd like.

The last thing I want to say is this.  If you have a coming out story, please share it.  Maybe you think it's boring, maybe it's too sad, maybe you think no one will relate to it, maybe you think someone can do a better job, but somewhere out there, there might be a kid who finds your story, and it will mean the world to them.

Stuff going on, Superbowl and Glee

It's been a really long time, hasn't it?  Guess a lot of stuff's been going on.

Tae Kwon Do's been taking off.  Had some new students join.  A few new guys, which we're really excited about, including the girls.  It used to be that the club would alternate every semester being dominated by guys and girls, but the past few semesters have seen the girls continue to dominate and few/no new guys joining.  Seeing all of these guys join (and clearly wanting to stay) has been a change welcomed by all.

Other TKD news:  We've started a demo team and are currently putting something together.  Technically, the demo team existed last semester, but the student we put in charge of organizing it didn't start things up until recently.  The club had put together a demo at the last minute for a campus event last year.  We had so much fun putting it together, that we decided to do it more in the future.  Since we have a lot more time to prepare this year (and a lot more participants), it's gonna be a lot more elaborate.  We're pretty excited.  Since we teach a mixture of ITF and WTF, we're trying to incorporate elements of each.

Outside of TKD.

There's this guy I like.  "Like" is probably a strong word, since I don't really know him that well, but I know that I really like what little I do know, and that I want to get to know him better.  I met him over a year ago, and I liked him immediately.  I didn't bother getting to know him back then because I was having some relationship issues back then, and I thought getting to know a guy I might like could've made things more complicated.  I don't think I'm very good at handling romantic feelings, so I try to keep things as simple as I can, even if that means denying myself opportunities.  Anyway, I've barely seen this guy since then, but recently, I keep bumping into him.  He remembers my name and who I am, which I find pretty impressive considering a) I've only actually met him once or twice, and that was a long time ago and b) I had long hair when we met, and most people have trouble recognizing me now that I have it short again.  I'd like to think that this is a good sign.  I'm going to try to get to know him better next time I get the chance to.  Hopefully it turns out well.  We'll see.

Sidenote:
 How did you all enjoy the Superbowl?  Personally, I was a little bored.  Granted, I don't watch football all that much, but I will from time to time.  For some reason, I just couldn't keep paying attention to the game.  Maybe I just wasn't watching during the good parts.  It was kindof cool how the Steelers almost came back for the win.  At least some of the commercials were decent.  I learned that fireworks were first created when a dragon drank a Coke.

I was pretty excited to see the return of Glee.  I really am gay, aren't I? Being more excited for a campy, musical tv show than the biggest American sporting event of the year?  It was actually a decent episode (and football themed as well).  For those who didn't watch it, the episode more or less centered on the character Dave Karofsky, a bully character that I mentioned in an earlier post.  In this episode, David is struggling with feelings he has that he won't admit to anyone, including himself, because he's afraid that doing so will cost him his friends and his tough guy reputation at school.  However, the few times in this episode that we see him express these feelings are the only times he's ever looked happy during this show.  As the character Artie puts it, Dave's in the first stage of acceptance: denial.  Towards the end of the episode, Dave continues to deny his feelings because he doesn't want to accept the stigma.  Finn points out to him that if he chooses to express himself, he could help change how their world thinks to make it more accepting.  Dave says that'll never happen.

To viewers new to the show that came in from the Superbowl,  this was an episode about a football player who is denying the fact that he loves to perform in glee club, because being in glee is social suicide.  To those of us who have been watching the show and are well aware that this character is a closeted, self-hating homophobe,  this episode suddenly becomes a giant metaphor for his struggle to accept his sexuality.  I can't express enough praise for Max Adler, who plays Dave, for being such an amazing after.  It's amazing how good he is at portraying this role.  A lot of people have been complaining that his development as a character seemed a little rushed.  I have to agree that it did feel that way while watching the episode, but when I stopped to think about it, his character didn't really "evolve" (as in change) much, we just saw a lot of different sides to him that we haven't seen before. I think his development just seemed rushed since there has never been an episode that's focused on him so much.  All that screentime gave the illusion of sppedy development

-Robbie