Wednesday, March 31, 2010

New Form

So in Tae Kwon Do, there are these things called "forms," or "patterns." These forms are basically a choreographed set of moves used to demonstrate different techniques. I decided recently that it would be fun to make up a form using bits and pieces of forms I already know. Here are the ones that I'm gonna use:

Choong Moo: this is a form learned by people who learn TKD from the International TaeKwonDo Federation (ITF). It's the form I learned as a red-belt/black-stripe (the rank right before black belt) This form is maybe my favorite one to perform
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivdVFnOXu3A

Kwang Gae: This is the first black belt form in ITF. It's actually really hard to do properly since those slow movements require a lot of control. (also, those low-high double side kicks are a bitch!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9QcmRQWUxao&feature=related

Koryo: This is the first black belt form for students who are trained by the World TaeKwonDo Federation (WTF). This one isn't as hard as Kwang Gae, but again, those double side kicks are really hard to do.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTU0jnGs4G0

If you guys are confused by the whole ITF vs. WTF thing, don't worry, I'll explain what they are in greater detail in a later post

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

My best friend is gay

I've felt kindof lost this last couple weeks. A couple weeks ago, I was at home. Why my family and I were at church, my best friend's mom approached me and wanted to talk in private. She told me that her son, my friend, recently came out her as gay.

To give some backstory, her son has always been my best friend. I'm going to name him John. John and I have been friends ever since we were babies and our moms put us together during day care. He and I have been best friends ever since and we consider each other family. We've grown apart over the years (going to different schools most of your life will do that) but we've done our best to stay close and keep contact with each other. John was the very first friend I came out to. I came out to him a full year before I came out to any of my other friends.

So when his mom told me he came out, I was a little hurt. I got the impression that he came out to her a couple months ago. He never told me anything. I've always prided myself on being someone that people can approach to talk about stuff going on with them, so it was a little painful to learn that my best friend would hide something he's going through that I've had plenty of experience with. I don't know. maybe he's afraid that our friendship will become weird if he comes out.

When his mom told me, I had to bottle up what I was feeling and focus my attention on her. She was terrified that she wasn't giving her son enough support and acceptance to help him through this, or that she wasn't able to show him that she still loves him just as much as she did before. Basically, she was terrified that she wasn't being a good enough mom and she needed advice and reassurance from me. I gave her the best support I could.

Looking back, I wonder if I could've done a better job helping him earlier. When I first came out to him, he told me that he had recently been wondering if he was bi. At the time, I was so focused on my own coming out, I wasn't mentally capable to process what that really meant for him to tell me that or the idea that my best friend might also be attracted to men; I just wasn't ready for any of that. Also, he sounded so unsure when he said it, that I thought it was only recent thing and he didn't really know what his feelings were. On top of all of that, while I was discovering my own sexuality, I think I went throught that bi phase that a lot of people go through before my attraction shifted to just men. All these things put together, the only way I was able to respond was something along the lines of "Well, it's okay. It might not mean anything. Lots of people go through a bi phase for a while."

I hope what I said isn't the real reason he hasn't come out to me yet. Looking back, I could've made his coming out experience way more difficult than it would've been. I don't blame myself for not being mature enough to handle the situation when it happened. We were only 16, and I had never known anyone else personally who was openly gay. Still, my own experience was hard enough. I hope I didn't make his harder.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Attempt # 3

As the title says, this is my 3rd attempt at starting a blog.

First time: revealed too much info about myself and deleted the post.

Second time: Made shortly after deleting my first attempt. I made a few posts, but it seemed like no one read it, so i deleted it (i also didn't like how whiney my posts were). My apologies to steevo. i checked my email a week or so after i deleted my posts. apparently, he had been reading them and left a comment. I also apologize to anyone else who may had been reading them.

anyway, attempt #3:

Hey there. call me Robbie. That's not my real name, but i feel more comfortable using pseudonyms. Anyway, a little bit of info on myself. I'm a 19 year old college sophomore. I'm currently a Tae Kwon Do instructor at my school. I'm also openly gay. I came out in high school and had an extremely positive response, but I'll talk about that later.

If anyone reading this takes Tae Kwon Do, I earned my black belt in ITF prior to coming to college, however the curriculum taught at my school is WTF, so i've learned that material as well. For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, don't worry. I'll explain in a future post.

anyway, that's all I have to say for now.

later