My best friend is gay

I've felt kindof lost this last couple weeks. A couple weeks ago, I was at home. Why my family and I were at church, my best friend's mom approached me and wanted to talk in private. She told me that her son, my friend, recently came out her as gay.

To give some backstory, her son has always been my best friend. I'm going to name him John. John and I have been friends ever since we were babies and our moms put us together during day care. He and I have been best friends ever since and we consider each other family. We've grown apart over the years (going to different schools most of your life will do that) but we've done our best to stay close and keep contact with each other. John was the very first friend I came out to. I came out to him a full year before I came out to any of my other friends.

So when his mom told me he came out, I was a little hurt. I got the impression that he came out to her a couple months ago. He never told me anything. I've always prided myself on being someone that people can approach to talk about stuff going on with them, so it was a little painful to learn that my best friend would hide something he's going through that I've had plenty of experience with. I don't know. maybe he's afraid that our friendship will become weird if he comes out.

When his mom told me, I had to bottle up what I was feeling and focus my attention on her. She was terrified that she wasn't giving her son enough support and acceptance to help him through this, or that she wasn't able to show him that she still loves him just as much as she did before. Basically, she was terrified that she wasn't being a good enough mom and she needed advice and reassurance from me. I gave her the best support I could.

Looking back, I wonder if I could've done a better job helping him earlier. When I first came out to him, he told me that he had recently been wondering if he was bi. At the time, I was so focused on my own coming out, I wasn't mentally capable to process what that really meant for him to tell me that or the idea that my best friend might also be attracted to men; I just wasn't ready for any of that. Also, he sounded so unsure when he said it, that I thought it was only recent thing and he didn't really know what his feelings were. On top of all of that, while I was discovering my own sexuality, I think I went throught that bi phase that a lot of people go through before my attraction shifted to just men. All these things put together, the only way I was able to respond was something along the lines of "Well, it's okay. It might not mean anything. Lots of people go through a bi phase for a while."

I hope what I said isn't the real reason he hasn't come out to me yet. Looking back, I could've made his coming out experience way more difficult than it would've been. I don't blame myself for not being mature enough to handle the situation when it happened. We were only 16, and I had never known anyone else personally who was openly gay. Still, my own experience was hard enough. I hope I didn't make his harder.